Banana Pudding Cheesecake

This recipe is somewhat symbolic of my life right now. Let's just say that it is BANANAS!! Yes, and not in a good way. This week marks the end of my marriage of 10 years (relationship of 14 years.) It has been a horrible past 3 years and it is coming to an end. I have so many mixed emotions right now and unfortunately everyone else has an idea of how I should feel or act. Some have even suggested that I have a party. Obviously, they have not gone through this process. I am a person who does not give up and the downward spiral of the past few years has made me feel very let down in myself and all things that I believed were good and trustworthy. In my heart, I know that I have tried all that I could possibly have, I loved, I listened, I cared, and I tried so hard, even at times I knew I could never break through. So many of my friends and family have watched my struggle; that is the best word for it, a struggle. I kept hoping and trying that everything could be worked out and it couldn't.  I never considered divorce to be a choice for my life,  but as I have learned all of what I did was not enough to overcome life's obstacles or how people change over the years.  Through all the trying and pain, not only have I lost someone that was the most important person in my life at one time; I have lost myself. And that is a sad place to be. I gave and gave and gave and I lost myself.

This week I have allowed myself to finally mourn this process and yes there have been tears. In so many ways, this is a death of a huge part of my life.  Now I have to move on and find out who the new Rebecca is and unfortunately that will be very difficult. I have so many choices to make right now; personally, professionally and all of them can affect me for years to come. I am moving forward slowly, cautiously and most importantly making every decision for me, something I need to learn how to do again. Please keep me in your prayer and send love in my direction.

XOXO

Rebecca

Rose Scented Rice Pudding

 

Rain, rain go away! Or I will be forced to keep making delicious things in my kitchen!! Last weekend, it rained- no it poured and I was BORED. After cleaning my house, doing all my laundry, grocery shopping, making dinner, cleaning my closet and even venturing out to the gym, I was still bored. As I was taught by so many generations of women in my family, it is not possible to  rest when you are bored you must DO SOMETHING!!! Yes, we are incessantly busy. Why?? I am not sure. This is a conversation my Mom and I have had many times. Her suggestion is just sit down and rest; read a book or watch TV.  This advice comes from someone who does not sit down for one minute and neither does her mother my Gram. I was raised by a group of continually moving, active women and the sad thing is when we are not in action we are thinking about what we can do next, or tomorrow or planning next Christmas dinner- in July! It is exhausting!

So..... I sat down for approximately 5 min (hope Moms not reading) and felt guilty. What can I do?? I began looking through my recipe cache on my iPad and quickly came across this recipe that I have made before and absolutely love. Since I was bored..... up I sprang and began searching for ingredients. WhooHooo! I had a task and I was happy..... in my strange obsessive, genetically predisposed way....