In the past few years, I have been through a lot and quite honestly, have lost a lot. Some things I willingly gave up and others were taken from me. No matter how it happened, it was painful and hard to overcome. I know I have lost a lot but I have gained even more. I understand more of what I want and what I need and am happy to see myself as a more diverse individual. I have rediscovered interests and developed new passions.
In saying that, it does not mean that, at times, I won't mess up in some way. I make mistakes. I don't trust well. I am self-conscious. I don't always communicate effectively. I can be impatient. And, I just generally have my moments!! Recently, I almost lost someone who is very important to me for all of these reasons. Of course, no relationship is perfect and each person brings their own problems or issues to the party, but now I see some of mine more clearly. I have a tendency to over-analyze and recently, I was just too inside my own head. This prevented me from seeing the greatness that was right in front of me. Do you ever do that? Well I did! It is like that old saying, "you can't see the forest for the trees!" I was not seeing the whole picture and I was panicking when little things went wrong. I was asking for one thing and then holding my hands over my eyes when it was happening. I was not allowing people to love me in THEIR WAY! I know a lot of this comes from fear. In the past, when I thought I had my whole life figured out, the bottom fell out and I realized just how hard I can fall. And honestly, I am scared of that again. What I realize now, is that recently, I was falling again. I was falling into bad habits and allowing fear to make my decisions instead of letting things take a more natural course. By following this path, I was allowing things that are very important to me slip away.
I know, that deep down, these are all things we know about ourselves but sometimes it takes a great event to really bring it to the forefront. I know now that have some more work to do! There is another circle of healing that I need to conquer. And I will! I know that I will never be perfect but ever-growing might be a good compromise!
Blackberry PieSo on lighter note, these berries were hand picked last Tuesday and immediately when I got home, I started the process of making this pie. I love picking blackberries and I love blackberry pie!! These berries were so ripe and sweet that they were getting crushed in the containers we put them in. They made for an excellent pie. My pies are never neat and pretty. I like them juicy and a little messy. I love the fruit to do what does naturally. And while they might not be picture perfect, they are delicious every time!
1 cup sugar
3 tablespoons cornstarch
1 teaspoon lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon grated lemon zest
2 disks refrigerated pie dough (one 14-ounce package)
2 tablespoons butter, diced
1 large egg
Fit one round of dough into a 9-inch pie plate. Trim the edges, leaving a 1/2-inch overhang. Refrigerate while you continue.
Spoon the blackberry mixture into the pie shell. Dot the top with the butter. Place the second dough disc on top of the filling and trim close to the edge of the pan; roll up and crimp the edge. Vent the top of the pie by cutting a hole of your choice in the top.Lightly beat the egg with 1 tablespoon water and brush on the top and edge of the pie.
Place the pie on the hot baking sheet in the oven and bake until the filling is bubbling, 45 minutes to 1 hour. If the crust browns too quickly, cover it with foil and continue baking. Let the pie cool before serving.
Recipe adapted from Paula Deen