Venison Portobello Shepherd's Pie

In rural, western Pennsylvania, I grew up eating venison. It is what most families in our "neck of the woods" waited all year for.  Most of the men were hunters or sportsmen and waited for deer season to arrive. My father was no different. He could not wait for the fall (and not just cause he was a freckled, redhead who hates the sun.) The changing colors of leaves, the crisp fall air and being able to see your breathe when you went outside, meant deer season was right around the corner. My Dad was always an avid archer; which takes a lot of skill and practice. And over the years, he has brought many deer home using this method.

When my Dad had one of his hunting days, us girls would go shopping or do other girl-centric activities but we were always home when Dad got home. We would wait at home to see if he had struck big that day and brought us a deer. It was always an exciting time for him when he brought a deer home. It was exciting for us all. And when I say all, I mean the whole neighborhood. It seemed back in those days, everyone was looking out their windows for the hunters to come home. If there seemed to be an unusual amount of activity as the trucks pulled in, the whole neighborhood would convene in that persons driveway. It became our little neighborhood tradition.

Some might say that this is an unusual or cruel event but it is the gathering of food. Food brought home to feed a family. Food that we had a pretty good idea of where it was raised and how it was killed and we were thankful that our area was so abundant in this food source. As my Dad always told us, when he killed a deer it was exciting and an accomplishment. It was the culmination of a lot of practice, anticipation and time, but he quickly felt thankful and appreciative of what the animal would give us. And there was also a slight sadness and desire to give the animal back to life. This shows great reverence! He taught us all that this thought process is what makes a great hunter!

Because of what he taught us about respect, when my Dad brought a deer home his girls were proud of him. We still are! Even though I live far, far away I still get a phone call when Dad brings a deer home. It takes me back to being a kid in that little town in rural Pennsylvania.

Sauerkraut and Potato Cheddar Pierogi

Today is January 25th and it is a day to be celebrated!!  I got to call my Dad for his birthday!! In August, that was something that I feared would never happen again.

This is the reason that you have not heard from me in a while. As you know, I started this blog in a time that I was going through some hard issues. I have blogged through the separation of my marriage, my divorce and all the heartache that comes with separating that life. I have blogged through finding new love and all the greatness and adoration that goes with that. You have seen me in my highs, my lows and my appreciation of multiple people in my life. I have held little back!! That was the reason for starting this blog. From the very beginning, I have said that cooking is my therapy and MY LOVE begins in the kitchen. This blog has been an outlet for me to speak in times when I needed to get thoughts out and until this time, I have not had any problems with that.

 I have learned to realize that a lot of people don't deal with feeling and emotions well and can not express to others what they want and need. I see this daily with my patients who hold things in until their problems express themselves physically and this lack of feelings has been a problem in the relationships of my past. I have worked diligently to be able to say what I feel when it is pertinent, but, nothing has stopped me in my emotional tracks like this August.

This August my family experienced an event that shook who we were. With out much detail, my Dad became incredibly sick very suddenly and was hospitalized for a significant time. The details are not important and quite honestly too much for me to talk about. But since that time, I have not been the same person. None of us have! In just a few days in August, everything changed for me. Since August, we, as a family have been collectively holding our breath... waiting, hoping, praying and whatever else it took! I have learned there is one thing that happens when you hold your breath. You lose passion and desire to do anything... but wait and hope. That is where I have been. Kind of suspended in time... waiting! I am afraid when my phone rings. I am worried when it doesn't. A lot has happened since August. And most of it I have had little influence on nor have I had the power to create (which I hate to say.) Time has passed, for me relationships have been lost and we are still taking it day by day. I am in no way saying that this struggle has been mine alone. My Dad has had the biggest fight and once again in his life has come out strong, but we have all taken some burden in this ordeal.

In some ways, this past month has been healing for me. I feel like I have rejoined a part of my life. Since I live a far distance away, I was able to take a breath in this situation when I got to spend an extended Christmas holiday at home. It was so empowering to see the progress firsthand. It was good to talk and appreciate and love the people most important in life- family.  It was good to just be present in someone else's life who has done so much for me. There are things that will never be the same and I am careful to not say some things will be better, because we don't really know yet. But there are some things in life that will just be and how you deal with them will determine your character. If there is nothing else I have learned from him; that is it. We can't control everything, we can't change fate but we can deal with in the most powerful way we know.

Today on my Dad's birthday, I celebrate him and everything he has taught me. I appreciate all the times he stood by me and hope in some way, I have supported him in this past few months. And lastly, I hope he knows I am proud of him. He has come back to us in a way we never would have imagined and has shown us again what strength is.