Ossi De Morte (Dead Bones)

Happy Christmas Eve!

I know it has been a while since I have posted, but it has been an interesting few months!! This fall, I have been working at three local colleges which has kept me running in every direction and in July, I had a bit of a surprise visit by some cells that, well, just weren't quite right... (we don't like to use the real word!) It took months, but as we know, bouncing back is what I do!

And now it is Christmas! My little dog and I have made it home to PA and there is so much to be thankful for. I am with the people that I love and in a place that I will always call home. To see my parent's Christmas tree and be with the people who are most dear to my heart is what Christmas is all about for me! I am so happy to be here and I am happy to share this recipe with you. I guess you can say it is my little Christmas gift to you! Thank you for reading and supporting me!

So let's get down to the story of this recipe! This is the perfect time to share the story of my Gram H. who the "Biscotti" portion of this blog is inspired by. The recipe that you see here has been part of the Italian side of my family for a very long time. My great-grandmother used to make this recipe when my Gram and her 5 siblings were young. Like most families in my area, many of my great-grandparents were immigrants who came through Ellis Island. They came from their countries for a chance at a better life and for work opportunities. Upon settling in Western PA, both sides of my family earned their living and supported their families by working in the coal mines. This is what almost every man in my area did for generations.

So, this is the recipe that my great-grandmother used to bake. It has a cute little story that has been repeated many times in my family; especially when my Gram and her siblings get together. After my great-grandmother used to make these little half cookie/ half candy gems, she would store them in a tin in the pantry.  In the winter (before the times of global warming,) my Gram and her siblings would bundle up in their warm clothes and head outside into the snow. On the way outside, they used to sneak into the pantry,  open the tin of cookies and take "just a few" to fill up their pockets; thinking that their Mother didn't notice. The brothers and sisters would head out to the big sled riding hill where all of the neighborhood kids congregated. Unfortunately, they did not have a family sled to join in on the snowy fun. But what they did have was pockets full of Ossi de Morte which they used as cash to buy rides on the other children's sleds. Only two of these small wonders would get them a ride down the hill and a place in the lore of the town. While they didn't have the money to buy a sled, they had the ingenuity and the camaraderie that brothers and sisters have when there was something that was really important to them. There is nothing like the bond of family! Still to this day, in tough times, my Gram reminds me that I am descendant of this strong family and that I can solve any problem or overcome any diversity.

Despite the hard circumstances they ran into growing up, the happy times always float up! You can see it in my Gram's face when she tells the stories of her family. And rarely does she tell a story that is about bad times! It is the good we remember as family and those moments are the ones that hold us together this special time of year.  So, this Christmas. fill up your pockets with these cookies or something else that is special to your heart and hand them out; not as a type of currency but as a way to say "I love you" to family and friends.

Merry Christmas to you and yours!!

Love,
Rebecca and Dexter

Sauerkraut and Potato Cheddar Pierogi

Today is January 25th and it is a day to be celebrated!!  I got to call my Dad for his birthday!! In August, that was something that I feared would never happen again.

This is the reason that you have not heard from me in a while. As you know, I started this blog in a time that I was going through some hard issues. I have blogged through the separation of my marriage, my divorce and all the heartache that comes with separating that life. I have blogged through finding new love and all the greatness and adoration that goes with that. You have seen me in my highs, my lows and my appreciation of multiple people in my life. I have held little back!! That was the reason for starting this blog. From the very beginning, I have said that cooking is my therapy and MY LOVE begins in the kitchen. This blog has been an outlet for me to speak in times when I needed to get thoughts out and until this time, I have not had any problems with that.

 I have learned to realize that a lot of people don't deal with feeling and emotions well and can not express to others what they want and need. I see this daily with my patients who hold things in until their problems express themselves physically and this lack of feelings has been a problem in the relationships of my past. I have worked diligently to be able to say what I feel when it is pertinent, but, nothing has stopped me in my emotional tracks like this August.

This August my family experienced an event that shook who we were. With out much detail, my Dad became incredibly sick very suddenly and was hospitalized for a significant time. The details are not important and quite honestly too much for me to talk about. But since that time, I have not been the same person. None of us have! In just a few days in August, everything changed for me. Since August, we, as a family have been collectively holding our breath... waiting, hoping, praying and whatever else it took! I have learned there is one thing that happens when you hold your breath. You lose passion and desire to do anything... but wait and hope. That is where I have been. Kind of suspended in time... waiting! I am afraid when my phone rings. I am worried when it doesn't. A lot has happened since August. And most of it I have had little influence on nor have I had the power to create (which I hate to say.) Time has passed, for me relationships have been lost and we are still taking it day by day. I am in no way saying that this struggle has been mine alone. My Dad has had the biggest fight and once again in his life has come out strong, but we have all taken some burden in this ordeal.

In some ways, this past month has been healing for me. I feel like I have rejoined a part of my life. Since I live a far distance away, I was able to take a breath in this situation when I got to spend an extended Christmas holiday at home. It was so empowering to see the progress firsthand. It was good to talk and appreciate and love the people most important in life- family.  It was good to just be present in someone else's life who has done so much for me. There are things that will never be the same and I am careful to not say some things will be better, because we don't really know yet. But there are some things in life that will just be and how you deal with them will determine your character. If there is nothing else I have learned from him; that is it. We can't control everything, we can't change fate but we can deal with in the most powerful way we know.

Today on my Dad's birthday, I celebrate him and everything he has taught me. I appreciate all the times he stood by me and hope in some way, I have supported him in this past few months. And lastly, I hope he knows I am proud of him. He has come back to us in a way we never would have imagined and has shown us again what strength is.

Heirloom Tomato Feta Tart

Right now, and actually for the past month, I have been in tomato heaven. Well, some days, I don't really think of it quite like that but.... let's just say that my garden has been PLENTIFUL! There have been days when I go out and literally pick twenty or more pounds of tomatoes. Yes, really! Several days, I have come home from work dressed in my summer dress and have gone out just to look at the garden!!! Next thing you know, I am in the garden in heels and dress with a skirt full of tomatoes (uggg... yes, I have witnesses. Including a very special guy in my life who said he was gonna take a pic for me to blog! Who wants to see that??)  I do give a lot of the tomatoes, squash, cucumbers, etc. away to friends and family but I also use a lot of them myself.  And, lucky for you, I want to share how. My next several posts are going to highlight the wonderful summer tomato. I am also gonna remind you of some of the past tomato greatness I have posted (psst... remember Mom's Tomato Sauce).

Hey, I am trying to help you out!  Believe me, at times this year, I have been slightly overwhelmed at the sight of every flat surface in my little house covered in tomatoes. Are you feeling this same stress?? Or maybe you just bought a great box of homegrown tomatoes from your favorite farmer and are wondering what deliciousness you can whip up in your kitchen?  Let me lead you in the direction of  true tomato happiness. Follow my recipes and let's not waste even one!!

Blackberry Pie

 

In the past few years, I have been through a lot and quite honestly, have lost a lot. Some things I willingly gave up and others were taken from me. No matter how it happened, it was painful and hard to overcome.  I know I have lost a lot but I have gained even more.  I understand more of what I want and what I need and am happy to see myself as a more diverse individual. I have rediscovered interests and developed new passions.  

 

In saying that, it does not mean that, at times, I won't mess up in some way.  I make mistakes. I don't trust well. I am self-conscious. I don't always communicate effectively. I can be impatient. And, I just generally have my moments!! Recently, I almost lost someone who is very important to me for all of these reasons. Of course, no relationship is perfect and each person brings their own problems or issues to the party, but now I see some of mine more clearly. I have a tendency to over-analyze and recently, I was just too inside my own head.  This prevented me from seeing the greatness that was right in front of me. Do you ever do that? Well I did!  It is like that old saying, "you can't see the forest for the trees!" I was not seeing the whole picture and I was panicking when little things went wrong. I was asking for one thing and then holding my hands over my eyes when it was happening. I was not allowing people to love me in THEIR WAY! I know a lot of this comes from fear. In the past, when I thought I had my whole life figured out, the bottom fell out and I realized just how hard I can fall. And honestly, I am scared of that again. What I realize now, is that recently, I was falling again. I was falling into bad habits and allowing fear to make my decisions instead of letting things take a more natural course. By following this path, I was allowing things that are very important to me slip away.

 

I know, that deep down, these are all things we know about ourselves but sometimes it takes a great event to really bring it to the forefront. I know now that have some more work to do!  There is another circle of healing that I need to conquer. And I will! I know that I will never be perfect but ever-growing might be a good compromise!